Next Time

I’m human.  I say things about people when they aren’t present.  I try to keep this to a minimum, but every now and again you need a friend to listen and let you vent.  Recently I found myself in a very uncomfortable place where I was with someone who was not just venting, but bashing someone.  Having been in this situation before I tried not to engage too much or say something I could regret.

Last time this happened I told myself, “Next time I will say something” or “Next time I will just leave the room”.  It is so uncomfortable and I find myself losing sleep and feeling guilty over the words being shared.  I find myself saying things I wouldn’t or agreeing with something just to keep things moving along and get it over with.  It’s really sad.  Sad that it happens, and more sad that I lose my voice in this scenario.

So when it happened again I felt terrible that I didn’t speak up.  I have a voice and I am strong and why can’t I say the words to someone to make the madness end?  I was going to call the person today and discuss this, but I decided that it is best said in the moment and since I participated I am not really any better. I guess we will have to wait and see how strong I will be Next time.

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Yes, the mic is on!

It happened!  Finally!  I am so happy tonight.  I found my voice in a situation that has been bothering me for about a year.  Honestly, why didn’t I do this sooner.  (WARNING: ENTIRE SCENARIO IS A FIRST-WORLD PROBLEM)

Monthly scenario: Go to local pharmacy to pick up Rx.  Every month I go and every month there is some sort of issue.  Script isn’t filled even though they text me saying it was.  The auto-fill randomly decides not to get on board some months while working others.  One time they didn’t even have the medication in their system even though nothing has changed in what feels like forever.  I could go on and on, but this will do.  Every month I get irritated, but ultimately decide I don’t want to hassle with opening up my mouth and saying something.  Sometimes I worried that maybe I would just lose my mind and say who knows what!  Realistically, I just think I felt like nothing would change.

Not tonight though.  Tonight I had had enough.  Having had to go inside after issues at the drive through I decided to say something.  I was calm, collected, not blaming the poor two souls likely starting their night shift.  God knows this isn’t their fault.  But I must say I feel good about this. Was anything really resolved, not really.  They entered something in to the computer for the auto-fills…maybe it will help.  BUT, this blog is about change and tonight I feel like that happened.  I guess TIME + LATE NIGHT FRUSTRATION=FINDING MY VOICE

I don’t know if things will be better next time.  But I do know that speaking up in frustrating scenarios and maintaining a calm and logical dialogue was more effective than doing nothing, and I felt a hell of a lot better!