Tread Lightly

Today I reached out to a friend that I purposefully have pulled away from.  Why?  Well, honestly, I miss her. My friend started dating a new guy (2.5 years ago) who is a functioning alcoholic, and is now her fiancé.  Needless to say, things changed between us.

Early on in their relationship I mentioned that I was worried for her.  She was partying throughout the week, missing work, and drinking while driving (which is a big NO for me).  I come from a family with a parent that is a recovering alcoholic (20 years) and I have first hand experience of what that can look like.  After I voiced my concern she didn’t talk to me for weeks-yes, it didn’t go over well.

Here is this person who I have cherished as a friend for so long and I am watching her change in a way that is destructive.  Now two and a half years in to the relationship they are engaged, own a house together, and she helps with his two kids.  I am happy for her if she is happy, which she seems to be.

About a year ago I started to pull away from her (* Adult Decisions as my father would call them).  There were a few crazy drunk nights she shared with me:  one involving the kids, one involving someone being arrested, and all involving driving.  After each of these calls, or texts asking me to join them out, I would begin to stress and fret for her and about her wellbeing (and the others on the road).  That’s when I decided this was not a healthy relationship for me to be a part of and I needed some space.

Here I am a year later.  Throughout this time we have exchanged messages and emails and occasional breakfast meetings or gatherings.  It has been 3 months since I have physically seen her.  Am I ready to see her?  Am I ready to start this up again?  I don’t know.  I am willing to see where she is at and how she is doing.  I am also willing to see if anything has changed: for better or worse.

If anyone has been in this scenario and has advice it is much appreciated.  This is unchartered waters for me and I am willing to tread ever so lightly in hope that maybe this friendship can be rekindled.