Tread Lightly

Today I reached out to a friend that I purposefully have pulled away from.  Why?  Well, honestly, I miss her. My friend started dating a new guy (2.5 years ago) who is a functioning alcoholic, and is now her fiancé.  Needless to say, things changed between us.

Early on in their relationship I mentioned that I was worried for her.  She was partying throughout the week, missing work, and drinking while driving (which is a big NO for me).  I come from a family with a parent that is a recovering alcoholic (20 years) and I have first hand experience of what that can look like.  After I voiced my concern she didn’t talk to me for weeks-yes, it didn’t go over well.

Here is this person who I have cherished as a friend for so long and I am watching her change in a way that is destructive.  Now two and a half years in to the relationship they are engaged, own a house together, and she helps with his two kids.  I am happy for her if she is happy, which she seems to be.

About a year ago I started to pull away from her (* Adult Decisions as my father would call them).  There were a few crazy drunk nights she shared with me:  one involving the kids, one involving someone being arrested, and all involving driving.  After each of these calls, or texts asking me to join them out, I would begin to stress and fret for her and about her wellbeing (and the others on the road).  That’s when I decided this was not a healthy relationship for me to be a part of and I needed some space.

Here I am a year later.  Throughout this time we have exchanged messages and emails and occasional breakfast meetings or gatherings.  It has been 3 months since I have physically seen her.  Am I ready to see her?  Am I ready to start this up again?  I don’t know.  I am willing to see where she is at and how she is doing.  I am also willing to see if anything has changed: for better or worse.

If anyone has been in this scenario and has advice it is much appreciated.  This is unchartered waters for me and I am willing to tread ever so lightly in hope that maybe this friendship can be rekindled.


2 thoughts on “Tread Lightly

  1. What a difficult and painful place you find yourself. My heart goes out to you. I lost my best friend of 37 years, 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected, but not expected turn of events. She was a functional (somewhat) addict to prescription drugs. Eventually, the toxic level in her system reached a tipping point and approximately a hour and half after I spoke with her, she died from an overdose. I hope your friend is in a better place of mind and has done what she needs to have done to save herself, because the one thing I learned over the years, as hard as I tried, and I did. I could not save my friend.

    I wish you my sincerest blessings and prayers.


    1. Oh Sheila, I’m so sorry to hear that about your friend. I’m sure that was so difficult for you and her family. I appreciate you commenting. I truly feel like it is unchartered waters: trying to do what I can to help her and yet preserve what I can of my own well-being. I actually made plans with her for later in the week for a non-drinking meet up. I am hoping that in this environment I will be able to talk and enjoy her company, as well as see where she is at. I’m not sure I am 100% ready to jump back into a friendship with her and I know that things have changed and will be different. I am open to seeing how a new relationship with her could look and maybe they could revolve around sober activities.
      Thank you again for sharing your experiences and kind words.


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