Today I reached out to a friend that I purposefully have pulled away from. Why? Well, honestly, I miss her. My friend started dating a new guy (2.5 years ago) who is a functioning alcoholic, and is now her fiancé. Needless to say, things changed between us.
Early on in their relationship I mentioned that I was worried for her. She was partying throughout the week, missing work, and drinking while driving (which is a big NO for me). I come from a family with a parent that is a recovering alcoholic (20 years) and I have first hand experience of what that can look like. After I voiced my concern she didn’t talk to me for weeks-yes, it didn’t go over well.
Here is this person who I have cherished as a friend for so long and I am watching her change in a way that is destructive. Now two and a half years in to the relationship they are engaged, own a house together, and she helps with his two kids. I am happy for her if she is happy, which she seems to be.
About a year ago I started to pull away from her (* Adult Decisions as my father would call them). There were a few crazy drunk nights she shared with me: one involving the kids, one involving someone being arrested, and all involving driving. After each of these calls, or texts asking me to join them out, I would begin to stress and fret for her and about her wellbeing (and the others on the road). That’s when I decided this was not a healthy relationship for me to be a part of and I needed some space.
Here I am a year later. Throughout this time we have exchanged messages and emails and occasional breakfast meetings or gatherings. It has been 3 months since I have physically seen her. Am I ready to see her? Am I ready to start this up again? I don’t know. I am willing to see where she is at and how she is doing. I am also willing to see if anything has changed: for better or worse.
If anyone has been in this scenario and has advice it is much appreciated. This is unchartered waters for me and I am willing to tread ever so lightly in hope that maybe this friendship can be rekindled.